I'm surrounded by selfish arse-bandits, starting to really narrow out who my friends are now which is good!! Regardless...

Do you recon people are selfish due to them having a lack of money for a long period of time or because it's in there nature?

-- Rik

this is for you al!!

i'm going to grow a beard...

doing what mark asked me to do... a well, looks like something to do...

How does the world see me?
Coldplay - Spies

Will I have a happy life?
Blindside - As you Walk

What do people really think of me?
Dashboard Confessional - Carve your heart out

Do people secretly lust after me?
Peggy Lee - Ball Hall

How can I make myself happy?
Deftones - Digital Bath

What should I do with my life?
NIN - i'm looking forward to joining you. Finally

Will I ever have children?
Cradle of Filth - Halloween (note. didn't even know I had that...)

What is some good advice for me?
MC Pitman - Latin Bingo

What do I think my current theme song is?
Squarepusher - Love Will Tear Us Apart (funny, I think the original was)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
American HI-FI - HI-FI Killer

What song will play at my funeral?
Funeral for a Friend - Waking Up (this is on random...)

What type of men/women do you like?
Big Bill Broonzy - This Train

What is my day going to be like?
Snoop Dog - Bang Out

Why am I here?
Kevin Shields - Are you Awake?

What will people remember me for?
Starsailer - Some of Us

What song will be stuck in my head tomorrow?
Big Bill Broonzy - Track 1

Are there people outside waiting to take me away?
3 Doors Down - Ticket to Heaven

What will this year be all about?
Big Bill Broonzy - Guitar Shuffle

weird....

For memories sake:



* went out with Sophie on a date
* went out again
* didn't again

Well, following things to cover I guess:

Friday
Saturday
Events

Friday:

Weird start to the weekend, I took the day off to support Emma because of the loss of our Uncle John, which by the way the funeral is next Friday so i'll be attending that at 11.
Aside all of that first sentence, not a bad start to the weekend, I ended up thinking that I didn't want to remember John's death upset or bringing others down with myself so, I needed to get out - props to Fil & Sean on that to be honest. Started off in Retro Bar in Manchester the idea being to play some pool and make that the night but, 1st beer aside and with Sean there I think we vacated to just get out and get some grub. Walked town for a bit, infact, if I have to sum up the night, i'd probably say Indecisive on direction, content, i.e. conversation was never dry which is good, exactly what I needed to be honest. I have to admit, after a couple of daft random places we settled in Joushua Brookes, which i've never been in and, well, it turned the night on it's head. We ended up on the balcony looking over the stream/river which occasionally smelt - chin up, but, I found myself enjoying a couple of mexican beers and delving into some deep conversations which brought out the best and worst of myself and the company I was keeping, in all, fantastic. When you need to be picked up and it just happens there's nothing much better than that.

Other notes for Friday - Chips & Gravy, Taxi for £12, Plasters, Socks, Mixed shoes.


Saturday:

Very strange events on Saturday which is not necessarily a bad thing but I was feeling a bit lazy so I might not have made the night of it that I wanted too.

Venue: Fils house (free)
Alcohol: Beer, Alcopops & Shots of Raz' Vodka
Events: Tekken 5, Giant Jenga (drinking game), Poker (never happened)
Memorable Bits: "Fairy up Liquid", Tower of Bricks almost hitting Minkus, Tekken 5 battles between Paul and Hworrang (names... whatever)
Food: Sweet & Sour Chicken (cooked by me - slightly disappointing), Pizza, Chicken Balls + mini Chicken Balls & Crisps.
Music: Random, Mainly 80's love hits... sean...

Giant Jenga with after 01:00 Rules:

All of the normal rules apply with this, Remove a brick with one hand then place it on top without the tower falling - simple, until...

* every 10 seconds spent playing builder will constitute a shot of a drink (beer in this particular case)
* ONE hand ONLY
* Only use of one foot is permitted, chosen elevated foot must remain within good distance of the ground.
* All rule breaking will cost the offender one shot.

Events:

Finding myself looking for something within myself that i've not as of yet ever had, I think confidence has a little to do with it but I can't put my finger on what i'm missing. Just a little empty inside right now, just need to figure some things out then just chill. Trying to do as much as possible right now to take my mind off any thought, i'm also thinking that Johns passing has raised some old flames from my Fathers Death which in all fairness I think are minor issues, I think my sisters situation is worrying me more than my own. Also, another notable addition is the ever going Manda battle, now onto the stages of payback (money), £50 pounds a month for some time so this means contact with Manda which I thinks just going to get harder each time to bear. Now, this is where I know i'm missing someone to fill a role in my life, right now, I can fall back into this particular hole and be shat on, I really want someone to lean on that will be there just to sort me our right after, I think... I really should be mentally strong enough to sort myself out though not as if i've not seen worse, but then again 2 years of anything can become addictive. This does sound like i'm looking for someone else, but I don't think it is that i'm still not onto that stage yet... bizzare...

Anyway, 1-0 England, go us.

Later.

John Nivison

I'm not willing to let this memory go due to if I do forget i'll never forgive myself. Recently my Uncle John passed away, this means a lot to our family, he was one of my Dad's best friends and a true Gentleman. He also was a Manchester City fan - although that has nothing to do with the amount of respect I carry for this man.

My Sister is greater effected by this event but she held herself to the family like she was part of it so naturally i'm going to be there to support both her and my mum. The reason in more depth for me writing this entry is due to when my Dad died it never really left a big impression, probably because I was too young to know what was going on, but also at that time I had no livejournal or paper written log of the event which I can't really blame myself for, even if I had written in it I wouldn't be able to read my own hand-writing.

For anyone who's ever met John you'll know he's the nicest person in the world, period.

We will never forget him.

Right, I have broken up with Manda now and it seems like a decade... 2years together, so, pretty dam upset, we had to end it, I think... shit...

O well, I heard this song this morning and about 1 min through I actually listened to the lyrics, like all great break ups I think you should have a song to remeber it by, so you remeber the best and the worst of it all... well, this is the best I could do on such short notice....

Bodyjar - Not the same

anyone familiar with Tony Hawks 3 will know this song already... belter...

"Think of all the things I do
And I still hold the thought of you
With someone else I know its true so faraway

And I can only hold my breath
And start to die a lonely death
With you and me and all the rest so faraway

Don't say I told you so
One thing you'll never know

You're not the same
You've changed
I don't need you anyway
You're not the person
That I believed in yesterday

You're not the same
You've changed
I don't need you anyway
You're not the person
That I believed in yesterday

I can't hold it back you see
I know it all comes back to me
You must have practiced hard to be so faraway

Never wanted me to show
Just write me off I let you go
And now there's more for you to know
So faraway

Don't say I told you so
One thing you'll never know

You're not the same
You've changed
I don't need you anyway
You're not the person
That I believed in yesterday"

2 years R.I.P

some very good memories like Paris and stuff and then camping and first meeting, very weep worthy but not to embarass myself for the future i'm not gonna!

Also like to say thanks to all my friends for being there for me, the people that have really helped know who they are, no need to namespot, don't guess either... mink...

I think I just realised something and it was really random...

I love being alone, but all the time i'm alone i'm searching for someone to share myself with, this is literally all I want in life.

Ok, long time no post, but this only happens on really bad events, so, anyway! Broke up with Amanda, just spent the last hour spooning a Pillow and now i'm ready to face anything... Anyway, Bob Marley is helping me out here, shame my friend Mr Daniels can't help, but, he's dead.

Same usual things, chin up etc. But, this is the end now, I made all the right choices in the conversation told her that it was all about her, her choice, her life, if she wanted me in it and all then just say so. End of the day, things don't always work out the way we dream them, I dream right now she'll call me right back and coming running up to my house begging for the relationship we had. Don't think anyone will win that game though.

Either way - gone.

The only thing I can say is that i'm glad I still have friends, probably wouldn't even think about leaving the house other wise, if you do read this then thats cool, but still, my deepest thanks goes out either way.

Time to live life again - in a way.

I ran over a bird, I was really upset by the event. I even went on to think that when he was playing "hide and seek" with his bird mates that he never saw my rubber flying towards him at 50 mph. Went to try and find him a day later to give him a propper seeing off and someone had already scooped him...bastards

New guy only went and drove threw a wall putting him into hospital before crimbo...

Updates from then are very small, Manda, happy she's in pendbrickshire which is a kick in the nuts since i'm used to seeing her every day since crimbo, but, upside is I do get to kick back and catch up on some of the things i've missed for a while, such as...my beautiful Journal! That and i'm writing on a big fat 17 incher!! 20 quid, back of the sneddon!!! Helen is off to Aus in june and is not sure if she's coming back which again is something quite shocking, going to be weird not having her bob online and talking to her, she has become quite a good mate in that way. Other peeps, Laura my x which I messed up! my bad, but i'm talking to her and she seems to be straightened out which is great, I do want to see her do good in the end coz shes a top lauf! ROB who has seemed to have left us now, absolutely no idea whats happened to him, just was out with us one day and the next has gone can't even find him at john lewis anymore. On the upside some of my good friends from across the water have invited me out to Norway sometime this year, which, I think is the biggest thing since sliced bread since I love cold weather and ever since my encounter with those ladies from Prague (where I got smashed in the balls) i've always wanted to visit the land which makes such exquisit people. So, proper looking forward to that! Deza's wedding, the event of the year? I don't know but I am looking forward to it, trying to put some money together so I can get to the stag do, got my stuff on E-bay at the moment, literally went through the bin to put some of that crap on there! Since i've got the memory of a fish i'm going to start writing in this more often so by the time i'm 60 I can publish this!! Also, not heard from my mate in US for a long time, devastating really, nice lass! Later!

Howdy, getting a bit bored recently... Work is going ok, got myself into a regualr pattern which is weird, if it goes to 23:10 I just fall asleep, I play footy on a friday for two hours, I get paid on the 26th of every month and yet some how by the 1st of the next month i've got overdrawn status on my account.

Payrise needed

which reminds me about work, I go in, on time, if not early, do a fucking good job right, now, I like my new colleague I think he's a top knotch guy but, everyday well, lets say 3/5 of the days he's late by ten min's. We'll get stuck into work, apart from, looking at my log, i've answered over 112 calls and hes answered 15 since we've had these books, not only am I doing a better job, i'm coming in on time. Well, instead of being punished for his lack of work or time keeping, they've offered him a training position in development... So, i'll take a look at his CV, fair play, he went to uni, doing something completely irelevant to Development, i've got twice the training to do the job thats opening. Right the only reason they went to him first is that he wanted to "go into that side of things" even though my CV cleary states the same and i'm well qualified for it, well better too. This isn't the only thing that I find annoying about it, whilst I work my ass off and find things for myself to do in the afternoon, he manages to create a web-site for his other company which he happens to keep his hand in on. ALSO, he's getting trainning on how to build the hardware. It's taking him ages, and it's so simple, what the hell does the company want him for? He might as well take over the company the only thing they don't have him traning in is Sales, no doubt i'm sure we'll see some commision come rolling in his way sooner or later. I don't get it, I know twice as much about the company, I know twice as much on the programming since he has no real background knowledge and I always help him when he can't answer his calls properly. All I can do is watch as he climbs the preverbial ladder and leaves the steps broken for me. I can't say anything because I like him as a guy, I get on with him well, probably why I always help him to be honest. What to do?

Looking on the bright side of it all, went on a pub crawl from Stockport to Hazel Grove, now now, I know what your thinking, BUT, we didn't actually walk all the way from Stockport to Hazel, I would have been dead, but, we did acomplish a hell of a lot, to be quiet frank, I was off my trolly by the time it came to come home. Walked to Mandas too, which was a giggle, I'd bought some breath fresh from a bog for one pound, at the end of the day breath fresh does not cover up a DONNER PIZZA, o yes, the monster of all monsters. Shat like a Dinosaur. Enough of that anyway, i've got to go over and see the lady, well I want to anyway, so not sure if there is a difference. Meh, I'll update some other time, night.

Rik x x

i got punched in the balls, sneezed on BUT the sex is great

Ah, oh my god, my freaking head, this is one of those self pity things, I feel like absolute shite! Drank way too much last night, and there was no T.C (tatical chunder) involved, which made things worse, well, the days events, from what I remeber then...

Ehm, saturday, wait a min, thinking about it, woke up, phil was upstairs because we binge drinked on friday night, that was bottle or two of red wine, funnily enough, the bottle is just to the right of my foot now. Well woke up, then, decided that we should go to the pub, again, think this is my 8th trip to spoons within two weeks, maybe more, well, told Minkus then headed down to spoons, alright, so I made that pitcher again, this thing is still leathal, but at this point we really don't care, think we had a beer and burger, but still, even after food, this pitcher is leathal!! Anyway, me being lightweight thwaites I was off my face after one... things just way out of hand though, we headed back to fills there was some sort of fire, and axe envolved, I can only imagine that sean was at the end of all of this! God, fire, things going in it from everywhere, there was shaving foam from windows, ehm! I can't remember much else apart from me throwing suit cases at sean when he was trying to sleep - bacon bits - to be honest, i'm so hungover right now I can't type anything, just spell checking this has become a chor, fill in the blanks:

- i got 3 hours sleep
- there was orgys everywhere
- i ate the house
- film, there was a film
- god, my head hurts

...ow... good night, gravity has somehow come into my brain, o, reminds me!

Daraculas tea bags - used tampons

HOP - abrev hang over poo

What the hell happened last night???


bacon bits, that's all you can say really, went out for a normal steak night, first of the season, the bar was FULL of pretty woman, it was the most unreal thing i've ever seen, you couldn't look left without lips, legs, brass & ass being there. WELL thats not the point though. Right, hang on...summary, then break down.

* go out for the steak night
* on the way down break seans car door
* stole a traffice cone before drinking
* got to spoons & ordered steaks
* bought an alcoholic beverage
* stole some more stuff and generally vandalised spoons
* drank lots of a made up drink
* pissed into a pitcher
* poured my piss over my mates car and door handles
* so much more at my house...

Right, i'd like to say about seans handles, it has central locking right, so when on the inside and you press the door handle in it locks all the doors!! well, I was playing with the lock and well, I didn't stop untill it stopped locking, yea, about 3 times of doing this the door just gave in, now the handle on the outside and the inside won't even work... well, well done me!

The traffic cone was actually before the door, but they both kinda went at the wrong time tbh, well, once we got the cone, then the door broke, I had to exit seans car from his side, well, I really did it wrong because I kinda roled and fell sideways and landed on concreat with imense pain.

Right, I don't care what anyone says, but I made the god of all drinks and I want it named after me, the bar-maid was trying to take all the credit for it, not to chuffed about that, the contents is as follows.

Orange Reef - one of
Two Archers (one peach and one summer fruits) - one of each
Lemon Vodka - two shots
Manderine Vodka - one or two of
Bols Blue - one shot of

...and there you have the pitcher of just plain nice...

The whole pitcher with piss thing was so funny at the time, I was in the middle of the car park taking a piss into a pitcher, which I then took and poured over my friends car handles and the roof, which is so harsh, but, it was so funny at the time, we we're all laughing, not sure what his mates thought when he got back to the car, could have been shocking! The whole house thing was random too, those pitchers hand really battered me to be honest so I no idea what happened there, but there was a hole in the door, which I kinda remeber doing, well, I guess it's door for a door, who agrees that that was the best night out we've had yet?!

btw, miss manda....

Funny old thing that, just got into bed with manda to go to bed, my eyes were so heavy, I just couldn't move them. Double bed right, she takes up all of it, i'm now sleeping on what effectivly, might as well be, a 2 foot wide plank of wood. Anyway, I can be a man about it and let her have her sleep and deal with it another time by maybe, mocking her when i'm in the car about it, joking about it maybe. I'll rest my eyes again and think of her whilst she lies close to me, all of a sudden, the sheets disapear off me, slowly at first, then, slowly, surely, no it's all in my head, wait, i'm sure my nipples wern't capable of cutting glass before, shit, where are the covers!!! O well, I can deal with it, i'm feeling a little hot anyway from all the hugs and warmth radiating from her skin. I'll close my eyes again and wish away everything but her and reality... I can hear her heavy breathing, aww, isn't that cute... wow, sure is getting heavier... as if the woman wasn't loud enough in life she makes up for it with the sound of air rushing into her lungs whilst vibrating some sort of vocal chord... that is, my tale of woe, i'm going to make a poem aboit it/try.

Late at night in my abode,
tucked up in bed the last words she said,
"Goodnight, Love you, i'll see you tomorrow",
...For all this, the pain, the sorrow,

I begin to fumble, not sure what to do,
do I sneak out? Run for the loo?
moving from side to side,
my bed sheets reside,

my double bed, not an inch to spare,
it's getting cold,
i'm choking on hair,
theres a brief sense of "fuck off" in the air,

THATS IT, i can't take no more
I'm taking my ass onto the floor,
I feel the carpet getting sore,
but whats this? a small snore?

It begins to develop from snore to roar,
this woman is hardcore!
I guess it's settled this is my fate,
time to go masterbate.

that'll do

night...maybe?!

I really don't understand them... WAIT, I really don't want to understand them, I wish that I could just open the page and read the book and just say YES that is it, that's how it's done, and this is how I like it read my book! but no, WHY did I pick the most... I really can't say it, because i'm too proud to admit that i'm a fuckin pussy, jesus, i've been walked all over, and for what? well, depending on if we decide to spilt, then we'll see now won't we, I can't, I WON'T even belive this is happening, i'm just plain upset, good night...

i'm back *dah dah dahhhh dah*

When I last left this, I was going out to manchester with that girl right? well, we'll guess that as yes, the girl can now be refered to as the "wife" as for she has now been going out with me for just over three months... and two days... shoot me, i'm counting. Daftness, don't think theres been a day where i've not really seen her, that would also be why i've not had chance to update my beautiful little journal. So, whats going on...

counting on fil

As the title suggests, the bets are now on, how many more days will this young stud last with his 6 month relationship, most bets say that next week when they go on holl together that well, it's ibiza, can fil keep it in his pants?!

rob he cheated at the game

o dear rob, another boy that can't keep it in his pants...finally got his dream girl...and then, thought, wait for it, no no no, "did" her and then...left it at that, i'm told that she is a right stunner, so no idea what hes doing there...ah, no idea

Theres just something wrong with everyone at the moment, went camping last week with Sean and Rob which was such a laugh, it was supposed to be just all the lads from college ending the year, so much for that, mark couldnt be arsed, fair dooz, proabably wouldn't have enjoyed camping/all the water things, well, i dunno, fil couldnt spare 15 quid for it, shesh, think i'm going insane with all this but, rob has completly lost touch, probably thinking with his dick again, had a good chat with his dad today though, which was a nice thing, he seemed pretty pissed off, but tbh, he was cool. I don't know what i'm chating right now, am talkin to the wife atm, o, also, bumped into dunc at tescos the other day, propper random, since when does he smoke?! i was buying flower btw... shoot me


Rik